When working with school-age children, the language you use and the relationships you build are essential to encouraging positive behavior in your program. Use this chart as a helpful guide in using direct language with children.
Instead of: | Try: |
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Manipulating children’s behavior by holding up classmates as exemplars “Look how nicely Bobby and Clarence are standing in line” (announced to the class to get a few children to stop pushing in line). | Telling the children directly what to do “Maria, Paul, and Georg, join me at the end of the line. Show me how to follow our hands-off rule” (said quietly to the three students). |
Phrasing directions as questions “Could you please wait your turn to speak?” | Phrasing directions as directions “It’s time to listen” (in a matter-of-fact tone with a raised-hand signal for attention). |
Using sarcasm “Samantha, you’re in fourth grade. Our first graders follow rules better than you. Why am I not surprised by your behavior?” | Pointing child in the positive direction “Samantha, stop. Walk to your classroom. I’ll watch you from here” (in a firm tone). |
Generalizing about a child’s motivation “You’re trying to test my patience, aren’t you? I think you enjoy starting arguments during recess.” | Figuring out what’s going on for a child “It looks like recess is a hard time of day for you. What’s happening at recess that makes it hard to remember our safety rules?” |
Pulling negative history “Taylor we’ve talked about this many times do I have to remind you to keep your hands to yourself in line?” | Remaining in the present moment “Taylor, hands to yourself in the hall. Come walk with me.” |
Source: Wood, C., Freeman, B. (2011). Responsive school discipline: Essentials for elementary school leaders. Northeast Foundation for Children, Inc.