Teach

Responding to Diverse Staff Beliefs

Look back on this passage from the introductory lesson of this course (from the Know section of Lesson One):

As you read this course, some of you may be very comfortable with individuals who are gender-expansive or LGBTQ, however, we realize that others may hold strong personal or religious beliefs that it is not okay to be gender-expansive or LGBTQ. This course is designed to make you more knowledgeable about individuals who are gender-expansive or LGBTQ and the practices that allow all children and families in your programs to feel safe and worthy. Many of the strategies we present are actually best practices for all children or can be used to ensure that all the populations served within your program are appropriately supported. Regardless of your beliefs, all individuals in your program deserve respect and dignity. You do not need to change your beliefs to treat gender-expansive or LGBTQ children or families in your program with respect. As you’ve learned in other VLS courses, inclusion is about ensuring all children, families, and staff members in your program receive the respect and support they deserve. This course helps you know what it means to treat gender–expansive and LGBTQ children respectfully.

As a training and curriculum specialist or program manager, you will undoubtedly work with some staff members who hold strong beliefs about what is appropriate gender expression, identity, and sexual orientation. In Lesson Five, we introduced the use of the word “some” to acknowledge the different beliefs people may hold. Specifically, we offered language for staff members to use when children share different, sometimes contradictory, beliefs about gender expression or romantic relationships, for example, “Some people believe men can only marry women, others believe that adults can marry whomever they love.” You can use similar language with staff members when they express different beliefs.

Staff members may emphasize that families will be angry about the presence of a transgender child in their program, or staff members may share that they do not feel comfortable working with a gender-expansive or LGBTQ child or family member. You can first respond in a way that acknowledges the different beliefs: “Some families may feel angry or uncomfortable if they observe a gender-expansive or transgender child in our program…” or “I hear that you do not believe boys should dress in ‘girls’ clothing’…” Then, you can emphasize the same message provided to staff in the introductory lesson: “You do not have to change your beliefs to work in our program; however, you do need to treat all children and families with dignity and respect.” Finally, you can offer specific information on what treating a child or family member with respect looks like. For example, calling people by the name with which they wish to be addressed, allowing people to wear what they feel comfortable in, greeting people kindly, listening to their ideas and thoughts, and letting them explore all the materials and activities the program offers, no matter who they are – these are critical ways we show others dignity and respect. Use the additional guidance below on active or reflective listening with staff members. For most staff members, just having their own beliefs acknowledged will ease a great deal of tension. As an administrator in your program, you can both acknowledge staff members’ beliefs and emphasize appropriate practices that convey respect in your program.

Many programs may have staff members who are gender-expansive or LGBTQ. As program  administrators, it is important that you create a supportive and inclusive work environment for all staff, including those who are gender-expansive or LGBTQ. The same practices we’ve discussed throughout this course, and the ones highlighted within this lesson, also help create a safe work environment for gender-expansive and LGBTQ staff. Remember to stay attuned to the comments that staff make to one another. Staff members may sometimes forget the importance of remaining sensitive and thoughtful with their language and actions when they are alone amongst themselves (e.g., in the staff break room, or at training and not with children and families).

Families' Reactions or Responses

Just as staff members will have diverse beliefs about gender expression, identity and sexual orientation, families will as well. A parent may see a young boy trying on a sparkly dress in the dress-up area and say, “hey buddy, that’s not for you” or say to the staff member, “you’re not going to let him wear that, right?” or emphasize their own childrearing desires, e.g., “my son isn’t allowed to wear that.” A parent may directly ask administrators about the policies for transgender children, such as which bathroom facilities they are permitted to use. A parent may notice a photo or book which contains a family with gay or lesbian members and say, “you have to post that, don’t you?” or “you don’t read that to my child, do you?” Not all families will react this way, and these kinds of comments or questions will likely not be frequent, but being prepared can help you convey consistent messages of inclusion in your program.

It is important to let staff members know you are there to support them. When a parent makes a comment about a child’s activity choice, or materials in the environment, staff members need to know that you, as the program manager or training and curriculum specialist, are available to discuss appropriate responses and talk with the parent from an administrative perspective. For many family members, a simple reply can redirect the conversation, for example, “The children in our room love trying all sorts of clothing lately” or “We have photos of all kinds of families, including ones with a mom and dad.” In the very rare event a family member uses a term to label a child (e.g., “sissy”), a staff member could say, “Please refrain from name-calling.” These quick comments from program staff both communicate a commitment to speak respectfully in the program, while also de-escalating the exchange in front of the children. If a family member persists, you can encourage staff to say, “Let me help find our program manager to discuss your concerns.”

In meeting with a family member, you, as the program manager or training and curriculum specialist, can use active listening to acknowledge the individual’s concerns. As discussed above with staff, you can both hear and acknowledge families’ beliefs, but also emphasize your program’s commitment to the safety and well-being of all children in the program, and stress the importance of modeling kindness and respect. If families ask specifically about policies regarding gender-expansive, LGBTQ children or family members, try asking them about their concerns; some families ask because they wish to advocate for their gender-expansive or LGBTQ child, or because a family member is gender-expansive or LGBTQ. Other families may ask because they do not believe gender-expansive behavior or being LGBTQ is okay. It can be helpful to emphasize your program’s commitment to making sure the materials and activities in the program are available to all children, and that children have a choice in how they participate (i.e., you would never force a child to try a particular activity or a particular piece of clothing). You can also stress your program’s commitment to being culturally sensitive and inclusive; you include books, photos and materials that represent people from a variety of cultures, ethnicities, abilities, genders and families. For families who express discomfort accepting or representing gender-expansive or LGBTQ individuals, it can be helpful to highlight the ways in which their own family and gender identity are also included within the program (i.e., we also have many books that picture moms and dads, several boys in the class have been very active with the trucks this week and your son shared a story about how he loves to ride in his grandpa’s Jeep). 

Ways to Embrace Gender Differences in Childcare from a Programmatic Perspective

In Lesson Five, we shared ways for direct care staff to embrace gender differences adapted from the article, 6 Ways to Embrace Gender Differences at School (Grinberg, 2014). Below we return to Grinberg’s ideas from an administrative and coaching perspective and provide additional suggestions that speak to the role of leadership within the program.

1. Group children by something other than gender

As a program manager or training and curriculum specialist, take time to notice how staff members group children for various activities and transitions. In school age programs, are staff members leading “boys vs. girls” trivia? In preschooler or toddler programs, are staff members sending groups by gender to gather their coats to go outside? If you observe practices like this, you can offer some constructive feedback. For example:

“I noticed you helped organize a ‘girls vs. boys’ kickball game today. When we separate children based on their gender, it can send the message that boys are girls are very different, and it can make some children feel left out. Can you think of other ways you could group the children for the kickball game?”

Program managers or training and curriculum specialists can review activities and events offered within your program to ensure there are no areas or activities where girls and boys are asked to do different things or where children are forced to select a particular gender label. In Lesson Two, we offered the example of girls being asked to wear skirts, and boys, pants to a program concert, and the appropriate ways to respond and why. Your guidance around these issues sets the tone for your program.

2. Start the day with inclusive language and stick with it

Just as we encouraged staff members to use gender-neutral language when addressing children, you can do the same with your staff: “Good morning folks!” or “Hello everyone, let’s get started.” When you model inclusive language in interactions with adults, you demonstrate your program’s commitment to maintaining a program that honors diversity. As you interact with staff, pay attention to the ways in which you may subtly communicate gender assumptions. For example, do you ask male staff members about their favorite sports teams and the female staff members about their favorite shopping malls? Do you ask female staff about leading creative or communication activities and the male staff about leading STEM or physical activities?

One way to ward off these more subtle gender assumptions is by getting to know each staff member as an individual. You can find more information about getting to know your staff in Lesson One of the Self & Cultural Understanding course for Training and Curriculum Specialists. These strategies can both build strong professional partnerships with your staff and help you address each person as an individual. Regardless of the staff member’s gender identity, you can use the information you know about them, personally and professionally, to support your conversations. 

Also, remember that as a program manager or training and curriculum specialist, you are a key role model for appropriate practices in your program. Look back at the LGBTQ inclusive language information from The Safe Zone Project included in Lesson Three: http://thesafezoneproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/SZP-Language-DO-DONT-Handout.pdf. When you model appropriate language when discussing gender-expansive or LGBTQ concepts, staff will follow-suit.

3. Feature diversity in materials, books, posters and other materials

As a program manager or training and curriculum specialist, you play a critical role in assessing and purchasing materials for your programs. One key way you help create programs that support gender-expansive and LGBTQ children and youth is by ensuring that you have a wide variety of developmentally appropriate materials available that represent the diversity in your community and the world.

There are resources throughout this course that give you a place to start on how to include children’s books or biographies that include gender-expansive or LGBTQ characters, as well as books that portray individuals in non-stereotyped roles (e.g., men as nurses, or women as scientists). In terms of materials, consider the variety of dress-up materials available to young children and offer materials in a variety of colors and patterns when you can (e.g., can you include pink and purple building blocks, tools or sports equipment?).

Lastly, you help to set the larger tone in the program based on the posters and pictures displayed in shared program spaces. Likely, you already think critically about representing cultural or ethnic diversity in the displays throughout your program. Are there ways to include gender-expansive and LGBTQ individuals in the posters or photographs you display in hallways, entryways, and meeting rooms? This is another critical way you communicate that these individuals are welcome here.

4. Create a professional development plan to help educators

Some programs devote administrative prep days to familiarize staff with issues surrounding gender-expansive and LGBTQ children and youth. Staff members set the program tone through language and lesson plans. They also can intervene in instances of bullying or name-calling and, when appropriate, use them as teachable moments.

To be prepared, staff need to develop a shared understanding of gender identity and language to be able to communicate with children, youth and parents. But they need to know what to look for, and they need to believe that they have the support of the program. As you address issues of diversity and inclusion in your program, remember that diversity is not just about race, culture, country of origin, religion, or (dis)ability status. As discussed in this course, gender and sexual identity are parts of who you are; they are one aspect of diversity. When you offer training around inclusive programs, or you observe staff members to see how diversity is respectfully addressed within your program, it’s important to consider issues surrounding gender expression and LGBTQ identity. As you set up your professional development plan for the year, how can you proactively integrate information around gender and sexual orientation?

There are resources throughout this course you can use to stimulate discussion with staff members around gender assumptions and the support of gender-expansive or LGBTQ children and youth in your programs. Try watching a documentary together or discussing the results of the gender role tests introduced in the Apply section of Lesson One. Remember that a program that provides a supportive environment for gender-expansive or LGBTQ children is really one that is supportive for ALL children. It ensures that 1) children, regardless of their gender, can explore all the activities and materials your program has to offer and 2) the messages from staff within the program demonstrate that all children are capable of pursuing their interests, whether that it's a science experiment with dirt, weaving a colorful scarf, or crafting a pulley in the wood-working center.

5. Have strong policies to support transgender children and youth

In some programs, staff may not know what to do if a child who was referred to by male pronouns now uses female pronouns. How should program staff designate this child on program forms or on the child’s program records? Program managers and training and curriculum specialists should be well versed in their program’s so they are prepared to help staff with these questions. 

“Programs should craft policies that address how to handle names and pronouns, bathroom use, extracurricular activities, student records, and confidentiality,” said Kim Westheimer, director of Welcoming Schools. These issues can be complicated, so consult an expert in your area or national organizations such as Welcoming Schools, Gender Spectrum or TransYouth Family Allies. 

6. Engage the entire program community

Each program approaches this differently. As part of the program leadership, it is important to work with the families of gender-expansive or LGBTQ children and youth to discuss the best ways to support each child and how each family would like to approach confidentiality. Some gender-expansive or transgender children and their families may feel very comfortable sharing and discussing their child’s transition from their assigned to experienced gender, but others may prefer privacy around these aspects of their child’s identity. Your support and understanding around these family preferences is essential. Take a look at the Learn resource, Supporting and Caring for Our Gender Expansive Youth: Lessons from the Human Rights Campaign’s Youth Survey, which describes that gender-expansive and transgender individuals are bullied, sexually and verbally harassed, and rejected by their support networks at much greater rates than the general population.

Regardless of the approach you take within your program, remember to make the support of the child and their family at the center of any actions or decisions your program wishes to take. A letter informing the rest of the parents in a classroom about a particular child’s transition to a new name and pronouns would only be appropriate if the child and family in question, as well as your program and leadership agree this is the best strategy. 

Model

Advocacy Materials and Strategies

In Lesson One, we introduced three ways for staff to respond to gender-expansive or LGBTQ children or youth in your program: acknowledge, affirm, and advocate. Thinking about all the other information presented in this course, take a moment to reflect on what acknowledgement, affirmation, and advocacy would look like from an administrator’s, trainer’s or coach’s point of view.

As a program manager or training and curriculum specialist, you can provide program-wide advocacy in different ways:

• Have resources available for families who come to you with questions about their child’s gender-expansive or LGBTQ expression or identity. These can be websites, books, articles, pamphlets with basic information, or other materials. This course contains numerous quality resources families can use.
• Be familiar with supports in your community. Is there a chapter of PFLAG (formerly known as Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), transgender-specific parent-support groups, or medical professionals who are knowledgeable about transgender issues?  
• Gather up-to-date information and continue to evaluate the effectiveness of staff policies and procedures to ensure all children and families feel safe and acknowledged in the program.
• Evaluate how your program forms are written. Are they inclusive of gender-expansive or LGBTQ children or family members? For example, are family members able to write in their child’s gender or are they forced to select male or female? Is the child’s gender identity necessary information to collect? Do enrollment forms have a space for “mother” and “father” or for “parent/guardian”? 
• Solicit coaching for yourself, other directors, program managers, training and curriculum specialists, or staff as needed. By seeking support for yourself, or helping others get the training and support they need, you model for staff that it is okay to ask for help when you are unsure, and that all staff within the program, including leadership, should seek professional development assistance to ensure they are providing the best support possible for all children and families.
• Ensure there are appropriate facilities for all children and families. Are non-gendered bathroom facilities available? If not, what is your plan to address bathroom access for all?
• Use staff in-service or professional development days to address issues of bullying-prevention, gender, and LGBTQ identity. The movie Growing Up Coy provides a good framework for discussing the way a family responds to a young child’s struggle in a classroom and questions around support and inclusivity.
• Assess classroom needs and make sure that supportive toys, books, supplies and activities are available for children of various developmental skill levels. For instance, do you have books that talk about non-stereotypical gender activities for ages 3 to 7 but not for ages 8 to 12?
• Include your preferred gender pronouns on your electronic communication. This helps communicate to others your program is a safer space, as it acknowledges that gender should not be inferred from someone’s name or appearance.

Listen from experts and families about advice for administrators and experiences with administrators that helped families and their children feel safe and included. What do you notice about these strategies and experiences?

Observe

Take some time to think about scenarios you might encounter in your programs regarding gender-expansive or LGBTQ expression. As you read each of the following scenarios, think about how you might respond. Then read suggested ways you might approach the situation with each staff member. Remember to consider child development and temperament.

Sometimes staff members may consistently fail to use the appropriate name or pronouns with a gender-expansive or transgender child. This may mean that the staff member needs additional opportunities to practice the unfamiliar name and pronoun. In a private conversation with the staff member, the program director or training and curriculum specialist could invite the staff member to talk with them about the children in the program, including the gender-expansive child, until the staff member is able to easily use the chosen name and pronoun. Also, you can give staff members a reminder that mistakes with names and pronouns happen and it is appropriate to just say, “I’m sorry, I meant to say…” and move on. If the root of the problem seems to be the caregiver’s beliefs, remember the important points at the beginning of this lesson. A staff member does not have to change their beliefs, but they do need to treat all children and families with respect. 

Use of Active or Reflective Listening with Staff and Families

Lesson Three explored the structure of active or reflective listening. Reflective listening can be used in coaching and management to avoid putting a staff member or a family member on the defensive. When staff and families feel a need to explain themselves before feeling truly heard, it can weaken their ability to have a constructive conversation. Reflective listening means waiting until a person has shared what is important to them without interrupting and without expressing judgment. After listening, you might be able to use one of the following statements to paraphrase your understanding of their message or concerns:

• I hear you saying …
• Sounds like …
• When you say_______, do you mean______. . .
• Could it be that …
• I can understand how it is frustrating when. . .
• Correct me if I’m wrong, but I hear …
• From your perspective …
• I’m picking up …
• The part I understand is …
• It seems as though …
• By that, do you mean …

Nonverbal language is important while using active or reflective listening. Is a staff member saying they understand the importance of allowing Joey to try the feathered boa but they have a pained look on their face? As a program manager or training and curriculum specialist, you can use this opportunity to gently point out what you see. Here are some examples:

• I hear you say you are going to call this child by her new name, but I’m concerned by your crossed arms and tense face that you might have some other feelings about it. I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this.
• You believe that sharing the new books about gender-expansive children is OK, but I noticed that the books are still in a box in my office. Can you tell me about that?
• When I was observing your classroom today, I noticed that Sarah tried to show you her plaid tie and you rolled your eyes at another staff member. 

These statements start the dialogue for staff members to share what they are feeling. Remember to allow staff or family members to share first and confirm you understood their message. Then, when you fully understand the other person’s message, you can emphasize your program’s commitment to creating a respectful and supportive environment for all children and families.