“Sexual development includes not only the physical changes that occur as children grow, but also the sexual knowledge and beliefs they come to learn and the behaviors they show.” --The National Child Traumatic Stress Network, 2009

To help clarify any confusion about the sexual behaviors you observe, consider the following factors to determine which of the three types above best describes the behavior to determine what action you should take.

Culture and Family Norms

You might think differently than some of your coworkers on culture and family norms. Differences in opinion are the result of the diverse experiences and viewpoints within a group of people. For example, some families use child-specific language when they teach their children words for their genitalia. You may have heard coworkers or families say “pee-pee” to mean penis or vulva; this is a common example of a child-specific word. Other parents and many experts feel it is important for children to learn the correct terms for all body parts. If you are not used to this, it may catch you off guard to hear a very young child use words such as “breasts” or “scrotum.” Language is one way family norms and culture influence children’s behavior and knowledge of their bodies and sexual development. See the Terminology document in the Learn section for a list of anatomically correct words and definitions. Also, consider other experiences families have had, such as trauma, deployment, and their formal and informal support when thinking about their culture and norms.

Development

Sexual behavior (and all behavior) in children and youth is influenced by an individual child’s development. There may be differences between a child’s chronological age and their developmental ability. A child who is chronologically 8 years old but has cognitive and social-emotional skills similar to a 4-year-old, may not feel shyness or modesty about others seeing their body. If this child frequently walks out of the bathroom with their lower body exposed, you would view this behavior with the understanding that the child’s social-awareness and self-awareness are like that of a younger child. For this specific child, this may be a normative behavior. If the same behavior were observed in a developmentally typical 8-year-old however, the behavior may be viewed differently. Think about all areas of development, and refer to the Virtual Lab School Foundational Courses for specific information and resources.

Function of the Behavior

If you observe problematic sexual behavior in your program, think about why the child engaged in the behavior to help you assess whether it is a reaction to the environment or a more thought-out occurrence. Consider the cognitive development of children to determine the meaning of sexual behaviors. Around age 3, most children are just beginning to develop logical reasoning, the ability to put two ideas together, and understand complex cause and effect. This is also when children begin to ask “why” questions. Children who have not yet developed logical reasoning are not able to plan their actions very well. These children respond with behaviors that are a reaction to their environments rather than intentional choices. For example, a 15-month-old child who pushes other children when they become too close for the child’s liking is responding to their environment. Children at this stage of development do not intentionally create conflict or behave to be mean to others. Review the VLS Cognitive Development course to refresh your knowledge of this area.

Frequency and Participation

Normative sexual behaviors are usually random and infrequent, motivated by curiosity and play. Other types of sexual behavior happen at higher frequencies and may affect a child’s participation in other typical activities. Knowing how many times a behavior occurs over a period of time and if the child is limiting other activities due to increased interest than is typical in sexual behavior will help you determine the type of sexual behavior. A well-adjusted and typical 5-year-old discussing bodily functions and genitals only while in the bathroom is an example of a normative behavior that is likely driven by the child’s growing knowledge of how bodies function. Review the VLS Self & Cultural Understanding course to access information about how children develop their sense of self in relation to the world around them.

Environment

When sexual behavior occurs, think about the environment of the children involved. A 9-year-old who self-stimulates only when alone in the bedroom is an example of normative behavior. One’s bedroom is a safe and appropriate place for a child to explore their body and sexuality. Children at this developmental age understand what topics and activities are considered appropriate in public. If the same child were to engage in this behavior in the presence of peers and program staff while at an after-school program, then you may consider a different type of behavior and action steps. Remember that developmentally younger children (age 5 and under) typically don't yet have a strong sense of what is public versus private.

Effect on Others

Think about how sexual behaviors affect others when responding to and creating action plans. An 11-year-old who exposed his or herself to others in the bathroom to get a laugh out of peers has a different effect on others than if the same child exposed his or herself to a 4-year-old child. Who is affected and how other individuals are affected by a child’s sexual behavior helps you determine the type of sexual behavior. Think about whether involvement was (a) mutual or force or manipulation was used, (b) whether the affected children were annoyed, disturbed, or harmed, and (c) the age, size, and developmental differences of children.

Redirection

Behavior that is common and typical for children is easily redirected, meaning that children stop unwanted behavior with developmentally fitting guidance and expectations. This is the same for normative sexual behavior. For example, two children touching each other in a “rough house” way while on the playground can be redirected toward different behavior. Rather than asking them to “stop,” you can redirect them by suggesting more appropriate activities such as taking turns pushing each other on the swings or pulling one another in a wagon. This provides these children guidance on acceptable touch and play while still fulfilling their need to be physically active. Children with sexual behavior that is outside of normative are less responsive to redirection and may express strong emotions such as anger when redirected. The Positive Guidance course and the Supporting Children with Challenging Behaviors Focused Topics course provides more information and resources on effective redirection.